Communication of money with partners

When my child’s friend came to play with my mom, she said as soon as she came in from the front door. “Nice house. How much did you pay for this?” She doubted her ears for a moment. I’m not that close … no, even if I’m close, I don’t ask about the price of a house … However, when asked straight because it is strange, I answer straight without having to hide it. It’s not possible for Japanese people. There are places where we think it’s unexpectedly taboo to hear and talk about annual income, house prices, and so on. “It’s rude to hear that,” “It’s awkward to talk about money,” or “I’m not talking about money in front of my children.” But talking about money is really very important. It’s sad to live in money, but it’s never a virtue to live without talking about money at all. I think it is very important to have sufficient communication and awareness about money with important people who live together, such as spouses living together and children of a certain age. .. Today, I will write about what I think about how to do it with my spouse.

Talk about money

The point is “this and that”. You don’t have to sit at the table and worry about “let’s talk about money today” (or rather, don’t worry). Let’s talk about money while driving, shopping, and walking around. Instead of talking about personal finance and household management, I think it’s a good idea to start by sharing your stance and thoughts on money. Money often involves a lot of personal feelings. How you think about money is not only influenced by reason, but also by your background and experience.

First of all, in general about money, recognize how you feel (sometimes you don’t even notice it), and then also recognize how the other person feels about money (you may not be aware of it). It’s not a good or bad decision. Recognize!) Let’s start from there. For example, consider the following question.

  • Do you like money? Why is that?
  • What did your parents think about money? What kind of environment did you grow up against money?
  • As you grow up, do you have any regrets or regrets about money, saying, “I would have done it like this …”?
  • On the contrary, is there any event that impressed you with “This is wonderful!” About money?
  • How do you perceive money in your life (tools for living, status, purpose, things you shouldn’t have, things that are rather troublesome, etc.)
  • Have you ever seen yourself hurt by money or hurt your family or close friends?
  • If you unexpectedly get money, what do you want to do with it (use, save, give to people in need, etc.)
  • Do you want to think about money or avoid it? Why is that?

Even if you are different from yourself, don’t say it like this, but just say “Hmm” (difficult). People don’t want to talk anymore when they say, “That’s no good.” Even though I honestly said my thoughts, I think that I will never do it again when I feel that I have been judged. And you will be able to hide the truth and lie. It is important not to judge in English. This stage is a stage where you have a good understanding of your and your partner’s experiences, attitudes, and feelings about money. This will be the basis for future trends and countermeasures. At the same time, you can make a prediction that “the other person feels about money, so you will probably think about 〇〇 (concrete actions such as big shopping)”, and at the same time, “I feel like this about money.” Therefore, I’m sure I’ll think about XX like this, and if the other party reacts to it, I’m sure I’ll react with ●●. ” This is the key to good communication.

Let’s talk about specific things about household finances

In the next stage, we will talk about specific things about household finances. This should never be done in the middle of a fight, or when a decision is imminent, such as a purchase or contract. Let’s proceed little by little when both of us are emotionally calm. There are various things related to personal finance in your life. First of all, it is a good idea to decide the division of roles between the couple.

Starting with bill payment / management, income and expenditure check, bank balance management, etc., it is necessary to check, manage and judge investment and insurance amount decisions, but this is unexpectedly good and weak. People are clearly separated. It is a common pattern that one of the couples is good at it and the other is completely up to you. If you are good at it, please be happy that you were born well and take it humbly. People who are not good at it should be grateful for what they are doing and do other things that they are good at.

I have suffered from this for quite some time. Twenty years ago, when I was just starting to get married in the United States, I had a heavy responsibility to do various things related to my household budget by myself, so how many times did I have a fight with my husband? My husband is busy and has no time, and he doesn’t check and manage money at all. After about three years, I realized that “this person is very painful to think about everyday money and is not good at it” and “I am unexpectedly good at it”, and my husband I asked my husband to do what he was good at, and I decided to take care of all the money. As a result, I became a financial planner.

The beginning of this blog was that I started writing notes that my husband, who doesn’t know much about money, should learn the minimum. After all, my husband, who wanted me to read my blog the most, still doesn’t read much (crying). Maybe it’s a briefing once in a while, but we share information about the state of our household and the direction we are heading. In the past, I wanted people to understand the same thing, but now I think it’s okay if they can get a general idea of ​​information sharing.

It would be nice if either husband or wife could take over, but the problem is that both husband and wife are not good at money, and no one manages or checks. When both husband and wife do not want to think about money as much as possible, they want to avoid it. If you live as it is, the problem may one day grow and you may not see the reality until you are in a very difficult situation. At the beginning, when we talked about money, if we found out that we were not good at managing money, carelessly, and tended to spend it generously, we learned the basic method of managing money together. I think it is also necessary to divide roles while using financial planners.

Agree with long-term goals

If you are a couple with a similar sense of money, the specific things in front of you (how much to save on 401 (k), how much to buy a car, how much to donate, travel, etc. It may be easy to discuss (how much money you spend on your hobbies, etc.). It would be nice if we could agree well, but there will often be discrepancies. One says, “Let’s take the plunge and spend the money,” and one says, “No, it’s a waste.” One is called a stingy person, and the other is a spender who doesn’t think about the other person. Everyone tends to think that they are the most matomo, so they must judge the other person based on their own standards. The quickest way to reach an agreement in such a case is not to persuade the other person, but to acknowledge the difference between yourself and the other person, and to agree on a broad outline for the time being.

Instead of starting with the specifics at hand, I think it’s better to agree on a long-term goal or a direction you want to achieve. For example, if you want to buy a house that you can buy with a down payment of about 0 years old, if you want to live a life without mortgages and debts at about 0 years old, or if you want to return to Japan and retire at about 0 years old, your child’s college expenses can be as much as possible. I want to prepare it.

Once you reach an agreement with a general goal, we will back-calculate how much you must do at least now to achieve it. Recognize the money you have to save now and the money you have to save now. If you have money left after you secure it, it’s money you can spend now. If you have money to spend now, it’s a good idea to take the plunge and spend it. It may never be a waste.

Discussing “use” or “save” without going back to the long-term goal and recognizing the present ends up with personal attacks such as “spoilers” and “miser”. Money is something to spend. Money cannot be taken to heaven. The point is to decide whether to use it now or (save it) and use it later. It’s not a bad story to spend now after you have secured the money to spend later. On the other hand, if it damages the goal later, it can be supported by the argument that it is better to put up with it now.

Even if you are a married couple (because you are a married couple), it is completely impossible to feel the same in everything, think in the same way, and make the same judgment. Understand that the difference is natural, know yourself, accept the feelings of the other party’s money, agree on a long-term outline, put it into the present, contribute to households and household chores by doing what you are good at, and instead make a difference If you can aim for a synergistic effect for you, it will be very successful. It’s easy to say.

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